lumps in the night

I don’t have a bath on Friday evenings before bed as is my custom during the week. Instead I prefer doing it before work on working Saturdays and after mowing the lawn on non-working ones.

I never sleep well when I don’t have a bath before bed. I feel unwashed and sticky, especially when it becomes as hot as it is now, so I was wide awake at 3:00am, gently stroking Geoffrey. All the others were fast asleep and snoring carelessly. Suddenly I felt a lump on Geoffrey’s throat, about the size of a human testicle and similar in shape. It was not firm but felt like a fluid filled sack.

Sleep was out for the rest of the night. I got up and chain-smoked, all the while worrying about the lump. As soon as it became light I woke The One and told him about my discovery and how I would not be taking Geoffrey to the salon for a shave as we’d planned. I was exhausted and since we could do nothing at that hour we went back to bed. I fell into a deep but restless sleep.

I’ve had more than enough of the excrement at work so I simply switched my phone to “All Alerts Off” and did not feel guilty in the least. We only got up around 10:00; by then the lump had increased in size somewhat. It didn’t seem to bother Geoffrey, however, and he was quite himself. He ate lustily and seemed completely normal.

After I finished manicuring the lawn The One and I found to our horror that the skin covering Geoffrey’s lump had ruptured and was bleeding. We tried to remember our first aid training and bathed the wound with Savlon. After that we bound it using cotton wool for gauze and a hanky as a makeshift bandage, but as soon as we put Geoffrey down he shook of our efforts and left a trail of blood as he went outside.

We were panicking a bit by that time and imagined that he would bleed to death. I dashed off to buy proper gauze and bandages and we experimented a few times before we were able to bind the wound and bring the bleeding to an end.

I agree, he does look like a brave Scottish Terrier back from the wars, ponytail and all. Maybe the enemy’s bullets had barely missed but had ruptured his jugular. A brilliant surgeon had saved his life.

(Don’t know how, but the goddamned cat litter ends up absolutely everywhere. Using Photoshop I spent 30 minutes cleaning up the coffee table in that photo. Luckily I was born with a very good ability to hide flaws.)

Anyway, after another sleepless night we got up early this morning and washed our stinking butts before taking the patient to Dr Lina Gerber. She is the very one who’d been responsible for saving Anna from the clutches of The Bandersnatch. After hearing our story she deftly shaved the area around the wound and declared it a simple abscess; caused by anything from an infected wound to a spider bite.

So it is not extremely serious and Geoffrey has to take ¼ Synulox morning and night for a few days to eliminate any bad microorganisms. The wound should be left open so that all pus and gunge can drain away.

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I’d been wondering what was happening to all the bad karma.

Written by I