Blog Archive

Wednesday, March 20, 2019


This is day 20 of 21.

Actually, as it turns out to be, I made a mistake when counting and this is in fact  day 20 of 20.


I've been on autopilot for weeks. Tonight it feels as if I'm returning to myself again. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that

my husband returns tomorrow

and everything in the universe will align for me once more.

I had a great shower after spending hours cleaning the bathroom and kitchen so it looks half decent for The One's return tomorrow. In the process I shaved some time off my hectic schedule tomorrow morning. Now there is just a bit of hurried dusting and the floor to do. The house has to be bright and welcoming for him. 

(Don't tell him but I'm cooking dinner tomorrow night as well).

I forgot to give Alfred his skin meds earlier when there was still a morsel of human food around to hide it in. So he just had a half cheese-puff with the pill pushed into the side. He wasn't interested in the tidbit until I drizzled it with some Montego sauce that we use to make the dogs' Montego Senior pellets seem a little bit more enchanting.

I'm like child on Christmas Eve tonight. I'm also trying to remember all the things I have to talk to The One about and show him that we couldn't do with just a phone call, for nearly three weeks.

This has been the most terrible period in my life. I will always remember the scorching heat with no rain and no wind and also the continuous load-shedding, and I will never forget the insane torment without The One when we were both so sad and overwhelmed. Being away from each other for so long and under these circumstances has made me ten years older.

Come back to me. To us. Home.

Written by I

Tuesday, March 19, 2019


This is day 19 of 21.

One more day of getting up alone to get the house in order before dashing off to my thankless job.

Thankfully Thursday is a public holiday but I'll have to get up really early to do all the things I've been putting off before The One returns. I have to leave at one for the airport to fetch him and I hope there will be enough time to get everything done. I'm going to try and get started tomorrow evening after work.


The One and his mom went to visit Dirk again today and my love had to say goodbye to his brother. He phoned me when they got home and it was heartbreaking to talk to him while he was so terribly emotional. No matter how hard I try to bury my emotions, they simply will not stay buried.

I know I'm being selfish but I can hardly wait for The One to be back so that we can face these grim skies together. He will lean on me and I on him along this seemingly endless road to healing.

Written by I

Monday, March 18, 2019

fourteen years in photos

This is day 18 of 21.


Initially I wanted to post about what a terrible day Monday is again. But then I decided that tonight I'd post one photo of The One and I together for each year since we met.

It took eons to sift through all my photos (which is why this post is so late tonight). There are gigs of snaps of plants, buildings, pets, flowers and so on but incredibly, for two years (2015 and 2017) I couldn't find a single one of us both. 

Taken five days after we met for the very first time - 17 October 2005

On a hike in Napier - 20 December 2006

On vacation in Mpumalanga - September 2007

At my work's year end function - 6 December 2008

At home - can't find the exact date (too high)

Visiting mom and Ils - not sure about exact date

Our wedding day - 10 April 2011

At home in the sweltering heat - 19 February 2012

At home - 14 July 2013

Visit to Freedom Park - 15 June 2014

Couldn't find a photo of us both - light painting I made for The One on 31 January 2015

New camera - 1 June 2016

Couldn't find a photo of us both - The One basking in alienesque light from mammatus clouds - 30 December 2017

New phone - 11 November 2018

Lesson learnt? Take as many photos you can with the one(s) you love.

Written by I

Sunday, March 17, 2019

face value

This is day 17 of 21.

That's right, The One booked his ticket back home today. He will arrive at OR Tambo International Airport at 14:15 on Thursday!


So we've all seen celebrity before and after Photoshop pics.

You know, like Beyoncé:

and Madonna:

I wondered if I'd be able to do the same to my own ugly mug. Took an hour or two - here are the results. What do you think?

Pretty spectacular, no?

Written by I

Saturday, March 16, 2019

a pleasant day

This is day sixteen of many.

Thankfully, The One mentioned that he was starting to look for flights back home today. It looks like he could be home by next weekend and I can start easing up a little bit.


The pets and I were up slightly after the crack of dawn today, to the tune of 8:00. I'm afraid I only stumbled into bed at 2:00am this morning. The internet can be an evil thing.

I fed the pets and set off to run some errands.

The first was to have my hair cut. The barber was 20 minutes late opening shop but I waited patiently because I was starting to resemble a neanderthal and needed a bit of deforestation.

I can't say that I'm mad about what he did with my beard but I know it'll grow back.

The specific barber (not the one that had overslept) had cut my hair before... he clearly didn't remember because he engaged in conversation about his childhood when he'd lost his father at 13 years old and his mother a year later. I'd heard it all before but it was pleasant chit chat. My shaking head dissipated as I was told again how family sent him off to boarding school where he used to cut the other boys' hair. A barber in town heard about that and offered him a part time job.

He went off to study teaching later and was a teacher for many years. Now he's retired and he can practice his hobby as barber again for a little extra income.

The previous time he told me that his other hobby was fixing watches (the mechanical kind). He didn't mention that today, though.

After I had been shaven and shorn, I had to go and buy some things for my mom as I was going to visit her to help her transfer some of her documents and photos from her old computer to the new one.

Jacaranda Mall has been undergoing extensive renovations and the place is like a ghost town with only a few shops remaining open. One of them is Pick 'n Pay where I bought my mom's things. At the till I was lost in thought and handed her my OK loyalty card instead of my Smart Shopper one. She didn't check the card and just swiped it, which promptly froze their entire system. I had to stand there red-faced, waiting for the staff to reset everything with a line of impatient customers behind me. Of course there would be only two tills open.

I went to Clicks next where I had to give all kinds of personal information in order to buy over-the-counter medication. Thankfully I don't have a Clicks Club card or I may have handed them my Spar loyalty card and blew up their system.

As I drove to my mom, there were many traffic lights out because of load shedding.

I had a good visit but I couldn't transfer her files - the old computer's hard drive connects using IDE but the new computer only has SATA connections on the motherboard. I'll have to find a SATA to IDE converter or some such.

Being somewhat uneasy at having left the pets home alone again on a day I should be spending with them, I left shortly after having lunch - pap en wors that Ilze kindly brought over.

Stuck in load shedding induced traffic on the way home, I had a piece of coriander (from the wors) stuck in between two teeth like this:

My mom gave me the leftovers, which I ate later as I waited for our area's scheduled load shedding from 17:00 to 19:30. It is now 20:30 and it still hasn't happened...

Written by I

Friday, March 15, 2019

a mediterranean cruise

This is day fifteen of many.

I think this is the longest that The One and I have ever been apart.


The state of affairs at work is the same as always - one day thunder and lightning, the next rainbows and unicorns.

Thankfully I'm working on a project that occupies my mind during the constant ups and downs.

The project is a photo book for a client who went on a Mediterranean cruise with his wife. It's an extremely time consuming job and I'm constantly in trouble for not getting it done. The current spate of load shedding does not make it any easier.

Whatever. When I'm up to my elbows in the couple's photos I get lost in experiencing places I may never see myself. The snaps are of terribly quality because the two elderly people only used their cell phones; still, the majority of them will be good enough for printing.

This is the itinerary:

And this is the liner:

I think it would probably be unethical to post the actual photos, but here are obscured versions of the first page and a spread that I'm done with, to give you an idea of the layout:

So, through all the misery going on in my life at the moment, at least I get to spend an hour or two  daily aboard a cruise liner in the Mediterranean sea.

What I wouldn't give to go on a cruise like that with The One I love!

Written by I

Thursday, March 14, 2019

two weeks

This is day fourteen of many.


Two weeks has passed since The One went away. It is also a month since Dirk's quietus.

Slowly but surely I'm getting into the routine of stumbling out of bed very early every morning, even though I have hardly enough sleep most nights. At eleven (my usual bedtime) I'll convince myself to watch just one more episode of whatever, or to have just one more beer/snack/smoke... and then I end up going to bed close to or after midnight.

The dogs seem to be getting used to the gritty new routine as well. Alfred doesn't sit at the kitchen door as much now, staring down the driveway in case The One arrives unexpectedly. They don't howl as loudly anymore in the morning when I leave or in the afternoon when I get home after work. They must have started accepting this stark reality. I wonder if they think The One will never return.

I spend as much quality time with the pets as I can because I'm sure it's not easy for them to be alone all day. I leave the radio on (a different station every day) and make sure they have enough fresh water; the ceiling fan spins all day to cool them.

Even though we're all getting settled into to the new regimen, the constant missing weighs heavily on my mind. I know that when I see The One again for the first time, my heart will swell with love so great that it will feel like bursting. And I know the pets will feel the same.

Written by I