Monday, February 19, 2007

schizo-affectiveness


When the one is unwell, a sense of dread sits across my life. It is difficult to explain, but it looks like a bold black inverted V.

The one sees and hears pillars that disrupt life terrifyingly with their intrusive behaviour. They are researchers who experiment and test.

They use thought control on people around the one, manipulating their behaviour in order to experiment with social issues. They share the one's most intimate and private thoughts with strangers who then stare knowingly when passing by.

They plant bacteria under toenails to see what the one will do. The only solution is to remove the toenails completely, slowly tearing them from the flesh to expose the bacteria to air and sunlight so that they can die.

Nobody else sees or hears the pillars, which makes them more terrifying. Most people think they are only hallucinations. Some think they are aliens.

Medication brings great relief. First it was horribly expensive Risperdal which was replaced with equally effective and much more inexpensive Haloperidol. Of course, the pillars are still there but somehow the medication disrupts their ability to interact with the one. The side effects are somewhat easier to cope with than the terrifying pillars.

The other side of the schizo-affective coin is depression. Lethargy. Ennui. Low concentration. Low appetite. Low libido. Low. Self. Worth. Suicide.

Medication is not successful always. Some days are simply bleak and hopeless. On these days the bold black inverted V throbs and vibrates across my life.

Written by I
Post a Comment