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Monday, January 25, 2010


This is just typical. Not even a month into the new year and most of my good intentions have gone out the window.

Well, at least I have a bit of an excuse for not writing here as often as I would have wanted. Somehow, it does not feel appropriate to write about what I have been doing with my time here; but then, I have never been known as an appropriate kind of person.

I have started writing a book. A novel. At this stage, I won’t to give away much about the plot or characters. Besides, these things are in their formless infancy. I can say that it is very hard work; I have also started studying the science of storytelling, and it almost feels like I am back at school. But I am enjoying the experience a lot, finding ways to channel my thoughts into the lives of my characters and breathing life into my story.

Don’t get too excited. I can see that writing a book is not something that happens overnight. I will have to work as hard as I can for as long as I am able to. Let’s see what I can produce.

I have been told that this blog is a very negative place, so I though I’d end it on a humorous note. Below is an e-mail I received from my boss one morning. Yes, it is one of those notorious joke e-mails that I usually hate to receive, but it is the best one by far that I have come across. I hope that you will also enjoy it:

From a Dog’s Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...


Elizabeth asked me to add this end note since she is far too busy catching up on her sleep to perform an uninteresting task such as typing:

I find it refreshing to know that others find themselves in my predicament. Last week, I managed to escape from my cell through a window my captors carelessly left open. I had a wonderful time exploring the vast gardens surrounding my cramped prison. My excursion came to a sudden and disappointing end when one human tricked me into being captured once again. Now, they observe my every move closely; my previous means of escape has been blocked. I will continue searching until I can make my escape once more.

Written by I (and Elizabeth)