Monday, January 25, 2010

writing

This is just typical. Not even a month into the new year and most of my good intentions have gone out the window.

Well, at least I have a bit of an excuse for not writing here as often as I would have wanted. Somehow, it does not feel appropriate to write about what I have been doing with my time here; but then, I have never been known as an appropriate kind of person.

I have started writing a book. A novel. At this stage, I won’t to give away much about the plot or characters. Besides, these things are in their formless infancy. I can say that it is very hard work; I have also started studying the science of storytelling, and it almost feels like I am back at school. But I am enjoying the experience a lot, finding ways to channel my thoughts into the lives of my characters and breathing life into my story.

Don’t get too excited. I can see that writing a book is not something that happens overnight. I will have to work as hard as I can for as long as I am able to. Let’s see what I can produce.

I have been told that this blog is a very negative place, so I though I’d end it on a humorous note. Below is an e-mail I received from my boss one morning. Yes, it is one of those notorious joke e-mails that I usually hate to receive, but it is the best one by far that I have come across. I hope that you will also enjoy it:

From a Dog’s Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

From a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies'. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

*

Elizabeth asked me to add this end note since she is far too busy catching up on her sleep to perform an uninteresting task such as typing:

I find it refreshing to know that others find themselves in my predicament. Last week, I managed to escape from my cell through a window my captors carelessly left open. I had a wonderful time exploring the vast gardens surrounding my cramped prison. My excursion came to a sudden and disappointing end when one human tricked me into being captured once again. Now, they observe my every move closely; my previous means of escape has been blocked. I will continue searching until I can make my escape once more.

Written by I (and Elizabeth)
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