Sunday, March 20, 2011

crazy pills

What a week this has been. I don't know if it is because of the Ravage of Japan, but the world just seems to have become a very bizarre place. It really feels as if I am taking crazy pills, ones that make you crazy.

Monday, 14 March 2011

Arriving at work on Monday morning, I found that the electricity was off. I checked all the trip switches, but they were all on. Then I checked the traffic lights at the intersection of Pretoria Road and Simon Vermooten Road, which we can see from the shop's front door. The lights weren't working. There was a huge traffic jam and cars stood for kilometers in each direction just to get across the simple but useless intersection.

Luckily I don't have to cross the intersection on my way to work, so I had been on time. Everyone else was late, however. Corlea arrived at 8:15, toting a brand new lime-pocketed BlackBerry Curve. (Merde, even the plebs are getting BBs now. The exclusivity is starting to wear thin. Well, we do have Bolds, which is still a big step up from the measly Curve. Still, I've always wanted an iPhone... We can upgrade in about 15 months.)  Wendy only arrived at 8:50. Washington phoned to say he was stuck in traffic and would be late but he still arrived before the two women.

Anyway, the electricity was off so Wendy was in a foul mood. We had to do all kinds of crap we never get a chance to do - sorting, filing, cleaning. What a crappy way to spend a crappy Monday morning, knowing there was urgent stuff to be done, all things that required electricity.

The electricity came on at 11:03. We had lost more than three hours and everything was now behind schedule. It was as if the universe or Him or whatever had conspired and said among each other, "Let us make his life more interesting. Let us increase the pressure."

When he surfaced even later than the electricity, The One BBM'ed me about a dream he'd had regarding multitudes of giant insects. He also said he was feeling down.

What a way to start the week. I remember wondering if it was our self-imposed sobriety. The week before had been a right old Saturnalia.

Bacchus a noyé plus d'homme que Neptune, no? 

Song for the day: Very obvious - Boomtown Rats, I Don't Like Mondays.

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

The electricity was back on but the boss was still in a foul mood. Every conceivable client came in with every conceivable request. Craziness, as is usual, ensued.

The One let me know at 12:28 that he was taking tranquilisers and passing out on the bed because he was still not feeling better. Sleep is great medicine for him. Mindless, dreamless sleep. Around 15:58 I BBM'ed him since I was becoming paranoid. It had happened on a Tuesday before, and I had not taken note of the symptoms then before it was almost, almost too late.

The time before that, it had happened on a Sunday. I had noticed the symptoms too late then.

Thankfully, this time it turned out that I had simply been paranoid.

We had to drive to the shops after work, and we both got soaked to the skin because it was pouring with rain. The roof above the bed has started leaking right above my little corner, so I slept on a very damp patch. Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well.

Song for the day: The Mamas and the Papas - Monday Monday. Still felt like a goddamned Monday. 

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

The electricity was on, but abruptly went off at 9:00. A client brought back things that had been laminated shoddily and guillotined at completely skew by Shacky, the boss' new Zimbabwean immigrant worker. Of course, I discovered to my surprise that the whole thing had been my mistake, the way it always is. Wendy was very angry with me, but I am still not exactly sure why.

Anyway, later when we were smoking outside, I told Corlea that the day marked my two year anniversary with Minuteman Press Silverton. I hadn't wanted Wendy to find out. I like to use that as a weapon later. Who needs crazy pills?

My little plan was foiled when Corlea's pudgy legs couldn't carry her fast enough to report to Wendy that I had been there for an unbelievable 728 days. I think that that is very close to a record for me. So, Wendy had to make a big scene and take me out for lunch to celebrate. She likes making up for bitchiness. I just don't like playing along and forgiving her. I like to keep a grudge for at least five days.

The lunch was very good. We went to Helga's across the road soon after the electricity came back on at 12:25. Another three hours lost. Corlea was left in charge of the shop.

I had fillet and chips, as did Wendy. You go to this little refrigerated glass counter and pick out the slab of flesh you want them to prepare. Then you tell them how you want it and, half an hour later, you get a wooden plate with fillet, chips and barbecue sauce. Poised on top of the steak, two crisp onion rings. Divine.

I was also plied with C2OH6 in various incarnations, prematurely ending my sobriety. First, we shared a Quart of Castle. Wendy took the smaller portion and I had 500ml of the stuff to myself, on an empty stomach no less. Then we each had a 450ml glass of a very good House Red.

The alcohol was, as intended, a very good social lubricant. Wendy and I chatted like old friends. She asked about The One's illness and in turn talked about her facial tumors. I told her about all my problems with the staff problems, such as Corlea's laziness. The way she can hide behind her computer screen when clients come in, leaving me to deal with them! Washington disappearing for hours when she's not there. I even told her I was looking for other work. But we did seem to smooth over things and I felt better about my job. I was prepared to give it a second chance.

I left work at 17:45 and got MacDonalds and beer for dinner. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Song for the day: Michael Bublé - Meglio Stasera.

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Went to work early (6:00am) to try and catch up because the day before, I lost the time from the power cut and then lunch on top of that. More than half the day had just evaporated!

The electricity was still on. Wendy was in a fouler mood than usual. In the morning's production meeting, she crapped on everyone - them for abusing me and me for allowing them.

Somewhere during the course of the day, I decided that I would continue to look for another job. A man can only take so much.

Very very busy, very demanding clients. No power failures, though.

I only left work at 18:14. Corlea and Wendy went to a supplier's re-launch and show. Whatever.

Dinner was Uitkyk's Dutch Steak and McCain's American Cut Oven Fries. Yum. No drink, though.

Song for the day: ABBA - Dancing Queen. I am gay, so I am allowed to like ABBA. This song always makes me feel better. Always. 

Friday, 19 March 2011

I couldn't believe it was finally Friday. Please excuse the profanity, but TGIFFF.

Went in at 6:00am again, still playing catch-up.

No power cuts, boss in a foul mood. Normality restored, then.

Wendy was very angry with me again, this time for making a mistake in working out a client's quote, inflating the price considerably. I really can't understand why I even try. It is just never good enough. Still, we got the job. As a make-up present, I received a fruit & nut Wonderbar from Wendy.

The One and I booked seats for a free show by a guy named Francois le Roux for that evening. He calls himself the HA!MAN. The show is called The Improvisation Journey and basically tells his life story in music.

We almost missed the show because some clients phoned work as I was leaving at 17:20 to ask us to wait for them because they had urgent work to be done. Corlea grabbed her stuff and ran, leaving Wendy and me to deal with these insane people. They wanted 300 invitations on Saturday with a host of requirements. Luckily, I was able to leave at 18:10. I got home at 18:19, quickly gussied up and we left at 18:29 for the concert which was scheduled to start at 19:00.

We arrived well in time, had a fag each, got a glass of cheap plonk at R10 each (that's extortion) and took our seats in the small Tauromenium Concert Room. I have drawn up a diagram of the place, showing the seating plan. Apparently, people still don't know that homosexuality is not contagious in any form. Black chairs are occupied, unoccupied chairs are white with a black outline. Chairs occupied by homosexuals are pink. See the barrier of unoccupied chairs they left around us?

We both enjoyed the show. The performer is technically very good, if a little unrefined and careless. He improvises on the cello, recorder, piano and keyboard. It really is a bit crazy here and there, because he also uses whistling, voice and body to express himself. And he writes bad poetry.

He regularly performs with orchestras around the country, but he didn't recite any classical works. Only his own compositions, variations and improvisations. Good, but I am glad it was a free concert.

During the interval we both got one more overpriced glass of cheap plonk. Hey, wouldn't you if that was all there was? This photo was taken towards the end of the interval, when everyone had not yet returned to their seats. I have to apologise for the bad quality of the photo, but my phone's lens was dirty and I only took this one photo, not wanting to look like a tourist.

Song for the day: Anni B Sweet - Take On Me. Brilliant. 

Saturday, 19 March 2011.

I got up at 8:00 because the shop was opening at that time. I expected Corlea to phone, because she was there alone and those clients from the night before were coming in again.

She duly phoned, only at 11:00 though. Then I had to rush in because she had to leave to take an aunt to the airport. She had told the insane invitation clients to go get stuffed! I worked until 13:00, normal closing time. The things we do.

On the way home I got cheese grillers and buns for dinner, as well as a pie each. I narrowly avoided an accident, swerving onto the concrete divider when a myopic black woman drove her huge new BMW right in front of me, millimeters from the Nissan, deciding she wanted to turn right suddenly. I hooted like an escaped lunatic; she simply took no notice.

At 17:00 we couldn't stand it anymore and we drove to Tops, ending our sobriety in a spectacular Bacchanalia.

Song for the day: Stromae - Alors on Danse.

Sunday, 20 March 2011

So, I am wondering if I should stop taking my crazy pills, the real ones meant to stop me from losing it. They are clearly not working.

I wish I could tell you some of the other crazy stuff that is currently happening, but I am not allowed to because The One says I cannot offend people like that. Apparently, they are allowed to offend me, though.

Song for the day: Janis Ian - Seventeen.

Written by I
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