A short while ago, The One bumped into an old boyfriend of his twin brother's on FaceBook, who, out of the blue, offered to marry us. As quickly as we wanted. So, in a less than a week's time, we arranged and pulled off a lovely small wedding.
The guests, 4 in total, arrived well on time. I was the one that was late. Still cleaning this goddamned filthy apartment this morning, I got in the shower too late. I was still shaving when said Dutch Reformed Minister arrived with Mother, Ilze and Casper hot on his heels. I was so flushed that I sweated out all my costly moisturiser. Both The One and I had tremendous hay fever (still sneezing as I write this) from unsettling all the dust, dust mites, pet's hair, pet's excrement and various sundries.
We didn't even have a chance to take the mild sedatives we had planned to take. Just to take the edge off.
The ceremony itself was very quick but severely nerve-racking. I was once again the centre of attention and I shook like a leaf. Nevertheless, we are now well and properly married, legally so, with two witnesses and all. In this country, ours is called a Civil Union Inside of Community of Property, because 0+0=0, in terms of possessions, at least.
Eugene, our Minister, was very sweet and wonderful. It was essentially a Buddhist ceremony, toned down so as not to offend. Very quick, very to the point. I am quoting the following from the ceremony. It is taken from the Buddhist Wedding Prayer by Lama Thubten Yeshe:
Today we promise to dedicate ourselves completely to each other, with body, speech and mind. In this life, in every situation, in wealth or poverty, in health or sickness, in happiness or difficulty, we will work to help each other perfectly. The purpose of our relationship will be to attain enlightenment by perfecting our kindness and compassion toward all sentient beings.
I know that this is one of the most important things that I will ever learn.
The One had cut out the words which we had to repeat after Eugene from our printed ceremony programme. We planned to read it off instead of remembering and repeating. We were both too timid to take the scraps out of our sweaty pockets so we duly remembered and repeated. "Vincent, this ring symbolises...". "Zach, this ring symblolises...".
Yesterday we drove around for ID photos (what a disaster, avoid the Kodak shop in Kollonade, they are useless), which apparently you need to get married. Finally got the darned things at Q-Photo in Brooklyn. Browsed around in Exclusive Books while we waited for 25 minutes. In the goddamned space age. Shopped at Checkers out of frustration. All my poor satchel money was poured into our rings, and The One's entire wages for his first week at work (MMPS, he's an accounting clerk, didn't we tell you?) went into the ID photos (R74.00 for a dozen photos, extortion!!). Yes, I do I resemble a Romanian immigrant and The One some obscene but desirable serial killer. We also procured food and drink for the reception at Woolies this morning. Great quality at a price, TINSTAAFL and all. Anyway, we decided to hold the reception as a picnic under a tree in the Botanical Gardens, just a stone's throw from our house.
It was a lovely afternoon. Brilliant weather. We lazed about on a blanket in the shade of a huge tree. The gardens were busy, but everyone was well behaved and nobody got on my nerves. We chatted and ate the wonderful food. Mother brought a fruit cake that Ilze had baked in December, well and truly matured and deliciously rich; our very own wedding cake. Leaving frail Mother behind to guard our claim, we others went on a short hike to the artificial waterfall, indigenous forest and such. Made me think of those goddamned innocent Famous Five. Lovely, what?
What we got at Woolies for the reception? Two containers of potato salad (one left uneaten, now supper), noodle salad, ham and cheese bites (revolting eaten cold, gorgeous eaten nuked), beef meat balls, mini hamburgers, mini chicken kebabs, koesisters, mini cheese cakes, croissant with cheese and chive cream cheese, sliced turkey and char-grilled ham. Pink sparkling wine, Coke, Fanta (Grape and Orange), 7-Up, Lemon cordial (PnP fizzy cheapie). Flowers. Champagne flutes.
Thursday evening, we found two inherited shirts in the cupboard, both virginally white which seemed appropriate given the occasion. The One wore light grey trousers and sandals with his safari style white shirt and I wonderful inherited coffee coloured slacks which had not seemed to fit me ever before. In the heat of battle, we forgot that white makes you look really large... never mind.We even practiced our kiss for when Eugene said that we could kiss to seal the marriage after the ceremony. A short, dry smooch because we had straight people in the audience. Followed by a brief, crotches apart bear hug. Very manly.
We also practiced how The One would look past me while pretending to look me in the eyes when speaking to me because I would shake too much if he really did. However, when it hit the fan we both looked each other in the eye and promised our promises. I guess that just makes it more profound.
So many things have happened in the short space of these five days that I am still absolutely reeling. So many things which I have been dreaming about for the longest time. Just see:
Got married to The One that I love.
Moved the irritating goddamned DSTV cables which ran across the balcony to a much more unobtrusive railing inside across the curtains, which I had dutifully washed. It took us both more that an hour to get DSTV reconnected, but it was worth every second. No more aerial cables to get caught in the doors. No more cables to trip over when drunk.
I have also made my peace with The One's twin brother and his husband. Long overdue, I should think. Welcome, Dirk and Alex. Welcome to our world.
What a wonderful day. The One promised to love me forever. How utterly heart-warming.
Written by I