Tuesday, April 26, 2011

weariness

I have been looking forward to our time off during this Easter; counting the days until we are home spending time together, no work stress and to do just what we want to (except if it requires money).

I find myself in a state of nothingness up to the point of boredom. There are so many pleasant things for me to do like composing, reading, learning French, cooking...  Yesterday I forced myself to compose. I sat in front of my computer with the software ready. Nothing came to me and I ended up feeling like a cartridge without a bullet. I have read that the medication I am on tends to make one apathetic, kills creativity (and libido), unmotivated and almost emotionless when used for long periods of time. I think I need to talk to my psychiatrist.

I think of two good things that I am doing or getting at the moment: enough sleep (this is vital to my sanity), listening to lots of music (I don’t get time for this while working) and lots of love from my husband (and it is so joyful to see him unstressed and playing lots of Simmies).

My job is a bit robotic so I tend to think of other things while I am working and I dwell in my past. I miss my days of being a scientist doing research on radioactive medicines. At that time I actually used my head.
Maybe today I should just read one page from my favourite book “The Hours” by Michael Cunningham and see if that might trigger something stimulating in my brain.

*****

Die weer van die afgelope paar dae is fantasties. Die baie reën van laas week laat dink my aan die Kaap. Op die oomblik is dit nie te koud of te warm nie. My gunstelling-seisoen was altyd winter, maar nou neig dit meer na herfs en lente. Eintlik waardeer ek elke seisoen op sy eie. Ek sien uit na die winter; dis ‘n tyd vir snuggle, cuddle en snoesig wees. ‘n Tyd vir versteekte groei.


Written by The One
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