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Monday, July 25, 2011

amy winehouse

I have to apologise to the regular readers of this blog, but I simply found myself unable to write yesterday.

I wish that I was writing this post with my favourite pen; the way the ink flows onto the paper and is left behind always has always had a calming effect on me. But we are living in the digital age and I am forced to express my feelings without the serenity of the footprints that a fountain pen leaves on the page.

On Saturday afternoon I learned of the sudden death of Amy Winehouse.

I cannot explain why her death has touched me so deeply. I have always loved her music and I've always thought that she had the most amazing talent; but that is not it. I feel that I've lost a soul-mate. The One is frustrated since he has been unsuccessful in his attempts to cheer me up. I don't think he grasps the depth of grief that I am currently experiencing.

Still, I find that I am unspeakably sad; my world has wobbled and it may be better someday, but it will never be the same. It felt so strange venturing into the world outside today; strange that people cannot understand that I am bruised all over and that the slightest touch is unbearably painful. It is unbelievable that the world is just going on the way it always has, the way it always will..

I've tried to avoid the expected media circus surrounding her life and death. I don't want to know that she chose (for lack of a better word) the exact path that other tormented souls before her traveled. Last night before bed I accidentally read a callous joke about her on Facebook and felt alone in my sorrow. Thanks, Bennie van Wyk.

Yes, I know she'd been flirting with death for the longest time. I guess she simply didn't know how to accept the many helping hands that reached out at her as she plummeted to her demise. I suppose that I know how that feels.

It is true; in her death I also see a personal warning. I am not falling as fast as she was; but falling I am.

The world is going to be all the more dull and dreary without her.

Written by I