Listen to this: Miike Snow by Miike Snow, 2009. We love track number 5, Black and Blue.
At dusk, while having a fag outside, we spotted the next door neighbour climbing over their gate, proving to any burglar who happened to be looking that it is possible to scale those ferocious-looking spikes without injury. Alarmed the way we've become in this country with its disastrous crime rate, we rushed off, locked ourselves inside and killed the lights. That's when we discovered Miike Snow.
Anyhow, some time later we became aware of loud banging outside and decided to go see if something was attacking our dear car, which seemed to be happening. Instead we found the neighbours banging at the chain securing their gate. It was clear that they had lost the key - maybe a child had eaten it; perhaps it had been flung away in an argument. Being in our odd panhandle configuration, I could shamelessly eavesdrop right next to them with only the rather thin prefab wall separating us. The guy with two women egging him on never detected me, thanks be to the gods that I didn't creak, squirt, grunt or emit involuntarily at an importune moment.
The small-town mentality I acquired during my childhood holidays made me feel compelled to offer my assistance, even though I only had my slightly sloshed company and a shaky hand to proffer, since being gay forbids owning any form of handyman stuff. I almost walked over... in the end I proved too weak.
I have a feeling that I've added one small shovel of glowing coals to the vast mound patiently waiting for me in hell.
Written by I