Blog Archive

Monday, October 01, 2012


Ever wondered how to reinvent yourself? This is how we chose to start the process this weekend. You just need the slightest spark to light it all on fire.

Discussing the magnitude of our boredom Saturday morning (I was miraculously off work) The One suggested we swap the bedroom and the “study”. We’ve been discussing doing it since we moved in but for some reason we’ve just never found time. The prospect of an endless, boring day was just not appealing and we took the plunge.


First we had to move all the crapola out of the smaller room. Stuff just grows there, you know – why, just the other day I discovered a perfectly good set of golf clubs. Wish I could control what grows, we really need a new microwave. The old one popped two weeks ago and those things are real pricey. Anyway, you can see the random collection of stuff we’ve accumulated since the growth began.

The second step of the room swap was to remove the shoddily constructed built-in cupboards in the small room. We had the whole wobbly thing almost collapse on us a few times but in the end we managed to deconstruct it without sustaining too many injuries. Maybe it was the incessant profanity that carried us though. Removing the cupboard added an extra 500mm (1.6ft) to the room – just the extra space we needed to fit in the bed, headboard neatly tucked into the alcove left by the cupboard.

If you excuse my enormous a$$ in your face, you will notice that someone who lived here before us had thoughtfully painted the room another colour: a lighter stony mampoo replaced the smashed paw-paw with a distinct coral tinge. Only thing is, they neglected to paint the walls inside the cupboard, where we now sleep. To be honest, I like it. Having slept there two nights now, it’s like being inside a cooked butternut which I personally find very comforting.

We discovered a nasty damp problem from the adjoining bathroom and an ugly little fishmoth infestation. The silvery slivery critters were dealt with easily; the damp may prove a bigger challenge but we’ll jump off that bridge when we get there.

We also found a fat little black widow spider under the cupboard’s hollow floor, stuck in a corner like an angry black pea. The floor under the boards was covered in a layer of sucked-out insect carcases and pin-pricked size sticky spider poops. Eeeeuwww, right? I popped her poisonous ass with my shoe just like you burst bubble wrap. This here is our goddamned house.

Now all the stuff we took out had to go somewhere. We just piled it up in the living room. Thankfully the couch vanished overnight and we had all this extra space available. The dogs were very unimpressed and must have thought we were moving again.

The cats were just plain pissed off. They never planned nor authorised such a major move and to add insult to injury, they were not asked to supervise the operation; we just stuck their highnesses in the bathroom. The upheaval itself was simply unbearable, it made them think of the old tales about the wars.

Meanwhile, I was feeling very ambitious and also decided to move the ceiling fan. Even though summer hasn't completely arrived nights are already warm and a cool breeze is just the thing to send you gently to sleep. The bloody contraption would not work at first but we quickly located the shady culprits: two wires were touching that should not have. Once that was sorted, the fan purred away smoothly. I'm afraid more profanity may have been used in the excercise.

After we dragged our heavy bed from the other room and squeezed it into the cosy nook, we discovered to our great pleasure that there was still enough space in the room to reconstruct 2/3 of the original cupboard, moving it to another wall. It was all modular and very easy to assemble and we got our very own built in clothes cupboard in the bedroom!


Early Sunday we drove to the closest merchant who'd accept a Builder's card and got the best little basic Ryobi drill ever. Our very own very first drill.


Back to the night before, the other room slowly emptied of all the stuff that had grown there. It seemed to have been especially fertile under the bed because we gathered enough cat hair there to have created a well-fed mother cat with seven little ones, had we only the knowledge.

That reminds me to feed you some local royal gossip: Lizz’s gone on heat out of protest about the illegal move. Moreover, her odours and atrocious singing attracted a local tom and they yell off-key kitty love songs from dusk ‘till bloody well dawn. When the demon of lust leaves her majesty, however, she adores sitting in the sun as it plays across the newly placed bed, observing her little kingdom in private pleasure. I had to steal this photo of her, you know how camera shy the royals are these days.

I suppose after all of that, you want to see what the final product looks like. Here it is.

Our cosy new bedroom.

Written by I


Zach de beer said...

D'all also think that two gays sleeping with their heads in what used to be a cupboard is rather ironic?